Restorative Discipline

For those of you who missed it, last Saturday was prom night at the Indiana Roof Ballroom in downtown Indianapolis.  Designed to look like the town center of a quaint European village, the IRB circular wooden dance floor has been host to presidents, celebrities, and musicians.  John F. Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Bing Crosby, and Margret Thatcher have all walked the floorboards on which our students danced.  Below is a picture that came up when I searched “JFK at the Indiana Roof Ballroom.”

Admittedly, our students danced a bit differently than when JFK and Jackie were cutting the rug.  (I can’t help but wonder what John F., Audrey, or Bing would have to say if they could have watched our kids last Saturday!)

While it is true that I have supervised a few too many proms to get really excited anymore, it was easy to see last Saturday that this is not the case for our students.  The 2013 Prom was a great success, largely because of all of the work and planning from Gaye, Aaron, and Bill.  Long after the adults forget the details, that evening will be remembered by many of those students in attendance.

Beside the dessert table—which by the way was phenomenal—the most interesting part of the night for me was watching the students arrive in all of their finery. I especially enjoyed the interaction between our deans and some of the “frequent fliers” to their offices.  These students would come off the elevator, look around tentatively, see Rita and Laura, and come over for hugs all around.  Of course, Rita and Laura would rave at how fine the students looked.  And no question about it, they did look good—both the kids and the deans.

On a night like this, the conflict and tough talks that took place in the disciplinary process are forgotten.  Students see and are seen in a new light, one that reflects their strengths, their gifts, and their potential.  This certainly does not mean that once the gowns are packed away and the tuxes are returned to the rental store there won’t be any other behavior issues.  The next round of the discipline dance is likely to continue. 

On prom night, however, I was witness to the power of restoration in the discipline process.  Those moments at the beginning of prom showed what discipline can and should be.  Discipline should about changing behaviors but also about teaching, about relationships, and about finding a way to help students move forward.  It should include intentional acts of welcoming students back into the school community.

In the classroom, you have similar opportunities.  Anytime you work with kids, you will have tough times and serious issues that take lots of time and energy, but there are also times to restore relationships, to celebrate growth, and to see the results of teaching your students a better way.  The disciplinary cycle should end with an intentional effort to restore the relationship and welcome the student back into the classroom community.

This relationship-driven approach to discipline, like the prom, can be a truly special and memorable event for our students.  You may not get the haute couture and cuisine of the prom, but effective restorative classroom discipline makes beautiful music—and changes lives.

Continue to build those positive relationships and continue to teach students the right steps to take in the dance of life, HSE.

Have a great week.

Phil

A few quotes about dancing:

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.  –Friedrich Nietzche

I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you.  But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand.  Always.  But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep moving your feet.  –Morgan Freeman

We learn by practice.  Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same.  –Martha Graham

Somebody just gave me a shower radio.  Thanks a lot.  Do you really want music in the shower?  I guess there is no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.  –Jerry Seinfeld