All That Glitters....

This week I am stealing from my wife Lisa, who wrote the following memo to the staff at her school, Monument Lighthouse Charter Academy.  Hers is a very different school than HSEHS, but that does not mean the message doesn’t apply to us as well.  The holidays are a time of celebration and enjoyment for many of us, but perhaps not for all of us--and perhaps not for each of our students.  We come into the holiday season with very different religious, cultural, and personal experiences.  It is good to keep these differences in mind, especially in the month of December.

I hope you take time to read her memo.  She makes a good point, and it may give you some insight into the Lederach household as well.

From Lisa to the teachers at MLCA:

As we walk into the holiday season, chances are good that most of us have traditions that make the holidays something to look forward to.  For one of the Lederach children who was in foster care before he came to live with us, the winter holidays didn’t bring him much to anticipate.  He lived in five different homes over Christmastime in his five short years of life.  He came to live with us the summer soon after his fifth birthday.

As Christmas neared, the other children in our family began eagerly anticipating putting up the decorations.  They looked forward to sneaking small gifts and candies into each other’s stockings, claiming little imaginary elves called “The Winkles” were responsible.  They looked forward to their parts in the yearly Christmas story enacted at church.  They knew we would draw names and then they’d have the job of choosing just the right gifts.

The kids would sit down with a catalogue and the Target toy flier to make their lists.  I loved looking at those lists because each reflected the personality of the person writing it.  Did Isaac really want shin guards again?  And certainly my husband couldn’t write socks, pens, and candy one more time.

But for that child who came to us the summer he was five, the first Christmas meant little to nothing.  Moving from home to home for five years meant he had no Christmas traditions.  There was no stocking he had since birth.  There were no decorations on the tree that he made in preschool.  There was no part he played in the annual Christmas play.  He had little excitement.  He didn’t want to make a list.  He often stood back and watched the rest of us as we laughed and smiled while we fondly remembered the cologne Grandpa John gave our oldest son Noah when he was much younger and which still shows up in a stocking each and every year.

It took a bit for us to catch on to what was happening.  “Why isn’t he excited about Christmas?” we would ask.  I had never seen a child of mine who didn’t have some enthusiasm for the two week break, the family time together, the special foods, and the music.

By about Christmas Eve it dawned on us.  If you’ve spent each Christmas with a different family, why would this year be any different?  Who’s to believe that this Christmas won’t be the only one with this family, followed by another one with a new family next year?

It wasn’t until the Christmas that he was six that we began to see some of the excitement you expect to see in a child around Christmastime.  It would have been the first time he had a second Christmas at the same house.

Now he’s 12, and it’s his eighth Christmas with us.  When asked, almost all he remembers of the early holidays is a “giant a-mote control car” he got when he was four.   Each year he puts a remote control car on his list.  They usually don’t last very long, sometimes only a day, but they are something he might get for the ninth time in a row.

I would guess that for many of our students and even some of us, Christmas or the holiday time might be a bit like it has been for my child.  It might be a time of fond memories and traditions.  For others, it might be the a time where things are different and uncomfortable--again.

As you look into your students’ faces, take a moment to imagine what these next weeks might be like for them.  Can we find it in ourselves to take the time to figure out the cause for the behavior?  Can we find it in ourselves to offer grace and comfort when the child doesn’t even know that is what he or she needs?  That is my hope.

As we go into these final days before the holiday break, let’s remember why we have chosen to educate children.  Let’s remember that each and every child is someone’s baby.  My husband likes to tell me that parents don’t keep their best kids at home and send us their second best.  

Let’s remember that as we face these next days.

Thanks, Lisa, for letting me borrow your words.  

HSE, I hope your December, the month often filled with glitter and celebration, is also full of grace, joy, and perhaps most of all, patience.

Have a great week, Southeastern.

Phil