Always Make New Mistakes

Last Week

Last week I had several intense conversations with a student who was facing a very difficult situation outside of school.  He was feeling overwhelmed and had come to the conclusion that he needed to leave school and go to work.  The long and short of these conversations is that he is not leaving school.  Nevertheless, I think I made a mistake with him.

One of the last things he said to me as he left my office was, “Nobody around here wants to help.” 

The rational side of me recognizes that his reaction grew out of fear and frustration.  That doesn’t make the statement any less of a kick in the gut.  In fact, during the years he has been a Royal, many of you have helped this young man personally in many ways.  The decisions I made were also meant to be helpful.  I urged him to take the long view of life and to see the next few months as difficult but endurable.  In the big picture, staying in school will pay off in ways that working for minimum wage will never replace.

It is good advice.  It is logical.  It is justifiable.  For whatever reason, however, my responses felt like “no help” to this student.

Later in the Week

Later in the week, I read a short article in Question/Answer format with Russell Quaglia, an expert on student engagement.  Quaglia’s response to a question about student disengagement from school resonated with the experience I just shared:

Feeling valued as a member of the school community means believing that people genuinely care about who you are as an individual.   The percentage is low because teachers do not show students that they care about them in ways that are perceptible to students…Of course teachers care—they just need to overtly transfer this understanding to students.  They need to know the students’ names, and their hopes and dreams, and they need to show connections between their lives and the curriculum.  Teachers need to care if students are absent from school—and ask how they are doing when they return.

According to Quaglia, the issue is not about teachers caring.  Educators care deeply, but we do not always show it in ways that students perceive.  The old saying “Perception is reality” is worth noting in this context.  If we care, but the students don’t perceive it, what is their reality?

A Bit Weak

That is the question I’ve been asking myself about last week’s conversations.  In the end, the message I had for this student was on target.  I don’t doubt that a bit, and I am very pleased that he is staying in school and will keep his options open.  How I responded, based on his comments, was likely a bit weak.  Perhaps the day will come when he realizes I was trying to help, but perhaps I need to, as Quaglia says, “care in ways that are perceptible to students.” 

Today!  Not just in the distant and abstract future.

Next Week

On my desk I have strategically attached a refrigerator magnet to my desk lamp with a few words of wisdom from Esther Dyson: “Always make new mistakes.”  I can’t help but see it when I turn on my light, and I use it as a daily reminder.

I’ve thought about the exchange with this student numerous times.  I’ve kicked around some ideas of what I could have done differently.  These ideas I have filed away in my toolbox to pull out at some other time when I need them.  The different approach I have in mind may or may not “work” next time around, but I think I can do better.  I think I can find ways to stay on message and yet still let the student know I understand his perspective and care about his opinions.

If the new approach I have in mind does not work, I will try a new set of mistakes.

A Good Week

I hope your week is a good one, HSE.  I know you care about our students.  I encourage you to find ways to let them in on this secret as well. 

Phil

Kudos this week to Jim Self and Greg Habegger—and all of you involved in Royals athletics.  It is an amazing thing to see the blue and red go at it during Mud Sock Week.  The kids had fun, and the community support is amazing.  None of this happens by chance.  The success of Mud Sock is due in no small part to the efforts of our athletic directors.  It’s a great day to be a Royal!